I have always been pushed to beat others and then myself. I would this attitude is largely imbibed by my school and also in part by my parents. "I don't care if you have got the highest in the class but is it a perfect score?"; This is something that was etched in my mind though obviously it couldn't dampen my joy of topping a paper (hehehe). Although having competitive streak has its own advantages, like being a great driving force, striving for better, pushing ourselves to come at par etc. Quite often it can also lead us astray in many ways. This I know through experience and observation. Like instead of learning a concept, like (from the top of my head) the importance of assumptions of a simple OLS regression, we tend to prepare according to the nature of questions that we would be tested on. Though this 'intent' based preparation maybe rendered useless if the institution designs rigorous application and/or conceptual based questions. Quite often a student may also feel overburdened by something I would like to call 'phantom' stress ,caused by competition. My mind space tends to be occupied by this form of stress, i.e. you don't know how much your peers have prepared and how thorough they are with a topic; you continuously compare yourself with an unknown yardstick.
I bring up my dance class cause with passing time I find myself drawing parallels between my learning in the studio and academic learning and further draw analogies with lifestyle and outlooks towards life in general.In this blog entry, I only focus on the competitive bit of it. I have an on and off student of Danceworx and I learn Jazz. I was an extremely shy, hesitant and reclusive person in school. I joined dance with the purpose of opening up and of course cause my school had its good share of Jennifer Beals and I hoped I could strive to be one of them. Turns out I was good at the workout cause I am decently flexible and had stamina. I also got complimented on my dancing cause I could show attitude. I got promoted to higher levels and later in undergraduate was even selected in the dance society. However, all the years I never realized that I was still a shy dancer and maybe a moody one too. I freeze in front of the mirror and my body doesn't have the groove of a typical dancer. I thought I would quickly get promoted this time too(I had dropped out for over 12 months and I have rejoined at the beginner's level). However, this time my instructor hasn't promoted me yet even though I maybe as good or marginally better than other students. She has put me up against me. And I having a tough time struggling cause I am trying to compete with the image of a dancer in my head. A good motivation as it maybe, its still not sufficient. With passing classes I realized I perform better when I tell myself "you can do it" and if I let go and enjoy the music(which seldom happens cause am too conscious too look silly...well at least when I am in the studio :P). It made me realize enjoying what you are doing is as crucial for learning, if not more, than striving to do well. So I am trying to let my hair down and just sway with the music. And I hope the number of times I am in the moment get greater than the number of times I think of the moment! ^_^
## Ain't nobody like my girl Jennifer Beals yo! Get outta here! ##
>> It's a small observation I thought I would share. Any epiphanies from you?! Comment and let me know! =)
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